Missing Out
by Wordmage Kazzidae
Summary: This is a KotoUmi one-shot... although not in the way that you probably think. I hope you still like it.


Kotori opened the door to the club room in some distress. "I'm sorry everyone, I got caught up with-!"

She was cut short by a high-pitched scream which Kotori then couldn't help but reciprocate. For a while Kotori and Umi, the only two people in the room, just stared at each other wide-eyed.

"…Sorry," said Umi at long last. "You came in so suddenly and I… was startled."

Kotori noticed the way Umi was looking away as she said this. "It's all right," said Kotori, smiling her usual warm smile. "I was just surprised to find only you here."

Umi sighed heavily. "Yes, about that… after having a brief meeting we decided that there isn't a great deal we can do until we come up with a new song, so everyone left me here to work on coming up with a theme and lyrics."

Kotori frowned in confusion as she closed the door and then went to sit across from Umi. "Everyone? Wouldn't Maki have had to stay to work on the music?"

"Yes, but she said she'd have an easier time of it at the piano." Umi's face soured. "Which is understandable, but of course Nico just had to go with her… they'll probably spend the rest of the day flirting and not get anything done."

Kotori had known Umi long enough to tell when she was out of sorts. This was definitely one of those times. Kotori decided to do what she could to placate Umi. "Well if the others felt that it was okay to go home, that probably just means that we're not in a hurry at the moment, right? So it's okay if we don't work as hard as we usually do."

"I'd be more convinced if Nozomi hadn't been talking to Eli about a new crêpe stand they absolutely had to go try today," said Umi in a muffled voice, apparently talking to the table because she had her head buried in her crossed arms. Kotori could almost see the stormcloud over her head. "Then Rin was getting all excited about the sleepover she's having at Hanayo's tonight. Even Honoka was all giddy about an invitation she'd received to go see that forehead girl later."

Kotori blinked. "That forehead girl? Do you mean… Tsubasa Kira?"

"That one. I just…" Umi raised her head again and let out a sigh that sounded like the saddest deflating balloon animal in the world. "Kotori… do you ever get the feeling that we're missing out?"

Kotori returned Umi's crestfallen look blankly. "Missing out? On what?"

"Well, you know…"

"I don't think I do. Can you be more specific?"

Umi's eyes were flitting around like restless birds, never staying on Kotori for long enough to make eye contact. "It's just… all the others seemed to have paired up – even Honoka, whom I never expected to get involved with anyone."

"That just means they're good friends," said Kotori, smiling.

Umi frowned at Kotori. "Really? Do you really believe that?"

This time it was Kotori's turn to avoid eye contact. "Weeeell… knowing Honoka, even if Miss Kira did go after Honoka she would probably be too dense to pick up on it."

Umi considered this. "…You're right. In fact, now that I think about it I actually feel kind of sorry for her. But still!" Umi surprised Kotori by suddenly standing and leaning across the table. "Can you really, truly, honestly say that you don't feel as though you're missing out?"

"Not really," said Kotori calmly. "I don't feel as though I'm ready for a relationship anyway."

Umi looked as though she'd been shot through the heart – and not in the Bon Jovi way. "You… really mean that?"

"Of course. We're still in high school – it's hardly as though we have to rush to find partners. Some people might even say it's improper for girls our age to be involved in romantic relationships."

"Yes, you… you may be right," said Umi, collapsing back into her chair as though her bones had all turned to jelly. "It wouldn't be proper."

Kotori got the distinct feeling that, quite without meaning to, she had said something wrong. It had clearly had a devastating effect on Umi. Then it hit her. "…Umi?"

"…Yes, Kotori?"

"Were you, um… about to ask me out?"

The blush that spread across Umi's face even in the depths of her despair was quite the sight to behold. The tiny portion of Kotori that held any kind of sadism in it wanted desperately to grab her phone and start snapping pictures of that face.

"I didn't- I mean, I wasn't- I would never dream of-!"

"It's all right, Umi," said Kotori, smiling kindly. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it. We've been friends long enough that I wouldn't make fun of you for it."

"Then… does that mean you'll say yes?"

Kotori saw the glimmer of hope in Umi's eyes.

In a moment of silence that seemed to Umi to span decades, Kotori got up from her seat, walked all the way around the table to Umi and hugged her. Umi hadn't moved, simply allowing Kotori's arms and the soft, sweet scent of her flowing hair to embrace her.

"I'm sorry, Umi," Kotori whispered. "I'm not interested in girls."

Kotori had never imagined that she might be a heartbreaker, but right now she was certain that she could hear a sound like breaking glass as Umi's shoulders sagged.

"I… I see."

Kotori let go of Umi, but then lifted Umi's chin so that the stunned girl looked at her, shocked by such an intimate gesture. Kotori smiled like the first gentle rays of the dawning sun. "But I love you. I would never abandon you. I'd like to spend these happy moments with you for the rest of our lives."

Umi's eyes shone with a mixture of tears and adoration. For once, she was speechless.

"Do you still feel as though you're missing out?" asked Kotori, somewhat teasingly.

"That sounded like a proposal!" Umi protested, drying her eyes with a handkerchief. "You can't say you aren't interested in girls then say something like that to me!"

"But it's true," said Kotori, beaming at Umi. "I don't have to be your lover to be there for you."

"I don't understand you," said Umi. "What you're saying makes no sense! Why couldn't you just say no? How can you be so kind when you're being so cruel?"

"…I don't know," said Kotori, shrugging. "I couldn't just say no and then run away to leave you like this. I have to know that you'll be okay."

"…Of course I'll be okay," said Umi, sulking somewhat as she carefully folded and put away the handkerchief.

"Good. But… can I ask you a question?"

"You might as well."

Kotori took a deep breath. "Did you want to date me specifically, or did you just want to date?"

Umi froze. Kotori fair fancied she could hear the cogs turning in Umi's head.

"Because it seems to me as though, if you really did love me in that way, this would have happened long before the others got involved with each other," said Kotori, taking the seat beside Umi. "The fact that you're bringing this up only after everyone else has paired off makes me think that you're fooling yourself into thinking that you're lonely."

"…You're talking in a very mature way all of a sudden," Umi pointed out, her hysterics dampened somewhat by Kotori's insight. "You sound as though you have experience in these matters."

"I don't. I just know you." Kotori smiled at Umi again. "You're the type who worries about things. You see everyone else getting together and you naturally think that you're missing out. But ask yourself: what exactly is it that you're missing out on?"

"Well… things like intimacy… affection… and more… physical things, maybe," said Umi, not looking at Kotori at all as she said the last part. Kotori chuckled at Umi's bashfulness.

"I don't know about physical things, but I don't think you're missing out on intimacy and affection at all," said Kotori. "You've got so many friends around you who would all be there for you if you needed them. I'm sure if any of the others had found you instead of me they'd have done the same as I had."

"But don't you think that being in a happy relationship like that would be… fulfilling?" asked Umi, looking across at Kotori.

Kotori smiled again – but this time it was a strange, sad smile. "…Umi. You're living in one of the happiest times of your life. You're surrounded by friends who'd do anything for you, you're kept busy with all sorts of wonderful projects, you're being pushed to do things you've never done before and enjoying them… and you're worrying that you're not happy enough? I know you're the type to worry, Umi, but if you always worry that you're missing out then you'll never be happy – even when you finally get what you want."

"You're talking like you never want to get married at all," said Umi, unsure of where Kotori was going with this.

"Not never," said Kotori, a little coyly. "Just when I'm ready. When I know I have the right person. Not because I'm afraid of being lonely," she added, looking pointedly at Umi.

Umi swallowed regretfully. "I know. And I'm sorry. It was… childish of me, to push my feelings onto you like this."

Kotori placed a soft hand on Umi's. "It was something you had to do. And I'm glad that you felt brave enough to tell me. I'm sure you must have feared that it might spell the end of our friendship."

"That thought… did cross my mind," said Umi slowly.

"Well, you needn't worry. I would never say goodbye to you forever. You may not have gained a lover, but you've still got a best friend – a friend for life. Isn't that enough?"

Umi sighed deeply – but this time it felt less like sadness and more like she was letting a weight roll off her shoulders. "…I suppose you're right. I shouldn't ruin what happiness I do have just because I'm not satisfied with it. That's… uncharacteristically selfish of me. Thank you, Kotori." For the first time in their conversation that day, Umi smiled back at Kotori.

"You're very welcome. Hey – why don't we go to the music room and see if Maki's working hard like she's supposed to be doing? And if we happen to find Nico there as well helping Maki to do something other than work… perhaps you could get some revenge on them?" Kotori suggested, doing her best to look mischievous. Unfortunately it wasn't a look that Kotori had much experience with so she wasn't quite able to pull it off.

"Yes, that might be… interesting," said Umi, looking rather more sly than Kotori was capable of. "I've been wanting to give those two slackers an earful since they sloped off earlier. Let's pay them a visit, shall we?"

As Kotori went to fetch her bag and follow Umi, she wondered whether she'd done the right thing. Perhaps indulging Umi for a while would have been harmless? But Kotori knew in her heart that to be kind in that way would've been far crueller – and that, once the time finally came to reveal the truth, it would have stabbed at Umi's heart far deeper than their encounter just now.

Kotori's train of thought was abruptly derailed by Umi who, having reached the corridor in which the music room lay, had suddenly turned around and started walking the other way, her face a bright traffic light red.

Kotori cocked her head to one side inquisitively. "What's wrong?"

"They're making sweet music. Let's get out of here and never mention this again."

"Wow, in school? It's still daylight!"

"Never. Mention. This. Again."

"Right. Sorry."

Kotori laughed. Somehow, the absurdity of the situation had melted any remaining guilt she had over her treatment of Umi. Umi looked back, confused at Kotori's reaction.

"Kotori?"

Kotori put on her kindest face – which was very kind indeed, as it happened. "It's nothing. Let's go."


End file.
